I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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