Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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