He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
