no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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