oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
