I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
