What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
