I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
