bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
