I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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