just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize