just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
