forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
