apparently the secret to your success is patron
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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