my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
