Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
