dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
