he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
