So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
