I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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