your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
