When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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