WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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