i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I bet he comes in French.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
