No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
