i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
