I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
