Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
