So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
