Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.

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  (405): And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch. http://tfl.nu/1xo5
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  (619): View more from California

  let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out

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  (619): let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out http://tfl.nu/34jr
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

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  (847): Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called. http://tfl.nu/lgas
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  (917): View more from New York City

  we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.

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  (917): we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer. http://tfl.nu/ibyr
  Replies (20) Good night (3588) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.

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  (231): You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me. http://tfl.nu/n997
  Replies (15) Good night (4608) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

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  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (54) Good night (9644) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.

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  (518): Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed. http://tfl.nu/gt11
  Replies (7) Good night (4266) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you

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  (973): I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you http://tfl.nu/07bs
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  (845): View more from New York

  Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me

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  (845): Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me http://tfl.nu/lgfh
  Replies (9) Good night (3064) Bad night (781)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  this is not real life

  (1-267): View more from Pennsylvania

  it never is. after midnight never counts.

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  (267): this is not real life (1-267): it never is. after midnight never counts. http://tfl.nu/o5xm
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.

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  (410): Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men. http://tfl.nu/tvw2
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?

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  (304): How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service? http://tfl.nu/aku2
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.

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  (262): Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations. http://tfl.nu/fpvj
  Replies (2) Good night (673) Bad night (210) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna

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  (941): im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna http://tfl.nu/nksh
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (249) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.

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  (914): So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank. http://tfl.nu/0iga
  Replies (4) Good night (657) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt

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