i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now