I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it