Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
