Kiss
Puke
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
