New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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