ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
