guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
