I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
