Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
