i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
