why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
