Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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