My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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