i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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