so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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