If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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