i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
