Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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