I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
