im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
