Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
