My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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