You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
