This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
