Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You need Xanax blowdarts
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Randomize
