Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize