I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
