he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
