He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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